Category: Life

been awol

Some of the more astute reader (do I have any readers??) will have noticed I have been missing this past week, well after the week I have had I could not give a s**t about blogging. I am not going to go into details except to say that I am a passenger at the moment and I don’t like, I am not enjoying it and I sure as hell want to get off it. Unfortunately being the passenger I don’t have any control so I just have to sit there and watch life control me rather than the other way round.

Monday ended with a rather large weight gain, sure as hell I don’t know where it came from, I had had a good week or at least I thought I had. I am not expecting tomorrows weigh in to be any better as I had an attack of the munchies all damm week and easter with its eggs, hot cross bunny and chocolate is sure as hell not helping (I only had 3 hot cross buns and no easters eggs). I am being pulled from pillar to post and back again at home and at work. I can’t see thing changing much before the end of the week and then it is only a 50\50 chance which I don’t control and if it goes against me then I will sink that little bit further.

Because of the week I have had I am losing the enthusiasm to do anything, I had been planning to ride all four day over easter, checking the weather forecast I could ride on Friday and Saturday if I got up early and rode before the rain. Woke up early on both days, looked out the window and said “sod it” and went back to bed, not because it was raining I just could not be bothered to do it. This morning I had to really drag myself out of the bed to go for a ride and what a disaster that was, decided to do my normal Throop loop, although I was expecting to have to make a diversion over the river at Oakdene as I was expecting it to flooded. Unfortunately I never got that far, Going along the river at Northbourne it was quite flooded, so why on earth did I decided to ride through it. It was deep and it was cold, waterproof boots and waterproof socks are no good when the water is half way up your calfs! So I ended up doing a small loop and going home wet and cold.

The lighter nights are here and I wanted to do a couple of short rides during the early evening to push on with my fitness but again I have not had the interest to do it. I don’t like being like this I want to get on and do things, not sitting around moping about thinking about what might have been.

I am supposed to be doing the charity bike ride on the 25th, I had hoped to have clocked a couple of 25 mile runs in by now but nope, still not hit the mark yet. I had planned to start pushing everybody to start sponsoring me but I just have not been bothered, I want to do it but I feel as though I can’t be bothered at the moment.

Well as I said earlier it is weigh in night tomorrow, not expecting any help from that, just hope it does not seal the weeks events.

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the long haul

Up early tomorrow morning and heading for head office to put in my weekly appearance, a few thing to do but totally lacking in enthusiasm for the trip, maybe at 5:15am tomorrow I will feel differently………

Life is catching up with me today, the day started well and I felt ok when I got back from Northampton this afternoon but since then it has been down hill. Just finished doing some work on the servers at work, fortunately I was able to do it remotely but have to leave it to this late hour so nobody is on them.

Well only a short blog to night, going to see if I can get my head straight and to bed early to await the 5:15am alarm call.

British heart foundation banner

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I’m beginning to wonder

It was weigh in night tonight and as you can guess from the title it was not a good weigh in. I gained, only a pound but I can’t understand why? I am eating more sensibly, I’m eating less, I am riding 30 + plus miles over a weekend and I’m still putting “bleep” weight on, sorry I am so wound up over this I am scaring myself. I spent years not giving a toss about my weight or my health but now I am becoming dam paranoid about my weight loss or more to the point the lack off.

At the moment I am at a loss with what to do, I’m really struggling to understand why and with life as it is at the moment I am getting to the stage I am beginning to wonder if the weight loss is worth it?

Now add in the fact I did not have a good evening yesterday and had a very late night, work started harassing me early, well they would of done if I was awake, the alarm went off and as I was working from home today I turned the alarm off, bad move. By the time I awoke a second time, got up (I felt like a zombie) and then found my mobile (which was not hard really as it was flashing like a hazard light), I had a three answer phone messages, three text messages telling me I had three answer phone messages as well as a list of three missed calls on my phone, all from work. They only wanted to tell me a phone system had died and wanted to know what was I going to do about it? Well despite the fact that I had sent the manager the relevant contact details of whom to phone in an event like this in the past, despite the fact that the contact details are on the front of the phone system box on the wall, they still phone me (and a director to tell him they have a dead phone system, who then phones me) to tell me they don’t know who to phone! I knew I should of stayed in bed.

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kids, learn to walk before you can run and yes!

Nothing ever goes according to plan, I got up early ready for my early morning ride and the daughter was up getting ready for work………….well at least I thought she was getting ready for work, when she saw I was up she asked me if I would give her a lift to A&E (she has a suspected fractured left arm\wrist again, long story). When she went to A&E yesterday morning they put a back slab plaster cast on her arm\wrist. This morning it was very tight on her arm\wrist (probably swollen) so she had to go back to A&E. So dressed in my cycling garment (looking like an ageing ninja all in black) I drove her to A&E. Once there she only expected me to wait for her (she is 19), not for morale support but so that I could give her lift to work when she had been sorted out!! I told her that what public transport is for.

Back home I finished getting ready, I picked my rucksack up and it weighted a ton, I carry spare inner tubes, pump, puncture repair kit, multi tool, air shock pump, latex glove, knee support and I had the gel seat cover from yesterday (when I changed the saddle I did not put it back on but carried it yesterday just encase). I decided that I got through yesterday without the need for it so I would be alright to leave at home. Three miles into the ride and my butt is aching (like it did the first time you got back in the saddle after years of not riding), I was wishing that I had the gel seat cover with me, next time I will leave it in there for a bit longer. After a few more miles my butt subsided into a dull ache. So to make up for the lack of pain my knee started to ache. It was only when I got back later that I realised I had not made any changes to the saddle height like I mentioned yesterday, so that on my list of jobs for the next ride.

I did my normal ride along the river at Throop, out past Hurn Airport into Hurn Forest, down past Oakdene Caravan Park and then onto Parley Common. This route bring me back onto the Hurn Airport road but I normally go in the opposite direction and head for home. But wanting to add a few more miles to my route I headed back toward Hurn Airport and then back down towards the river at Throop. When you cross the river by the weir there are two way you can go, my outward ride I took the route down past Hurn Court school, so on my return I went the other way (which is my normal way) down across the fields at the back of Merritown. To say it was muddy was an understatement at one stage the forks were rubbing the mud on the front wheel (I have fairly narrow tyres). By the time I got home I knew I had done a long distance but I did not know how far, once I had regained some composure I hooked up the GPS to the PC and imported the route so that I could check the distance (I probably can do that on the GPS but I wanted the route on the PC anyway), 21 miles!! My longest single ride to date and I am well chuffed, this give me a total of 35 miles for the weekend

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and so the dust settles

My head is slowly coming to terms we our situation, it does not make it easier, I’m just a little less wound up over it. While I would love to just pull the duvet up over my head and disappear from sight I know the world will continues without me and the problem will not disappear. We just have to knuckle down and pull our socks up and start again.

My thanks for the words of support, it is strange how a few words can make things look a little less dark. It reminds me of my nan who used to say that sending somebody a letter was the best way to cheer them up, I never really understood that when I was young now I am (a lot) older I do and I guess e-mails are the 21st century equivalent.

Moving on I have gained a new pain in my right knee, now my knees are always painful but this pain\injury is different. It is on the top of my knee (rather than in the joint) if anything just above the knee. I was at work on Monday sat at a desk and I went to stand up and it felt like somebody grabbed my muscles and twisted them, I fell back into my chair. Now it is not painful but every now and again it gives me a little twinge just to let me know it is there. I can bend my knee without any pain but but I can feel a dull ache just above the knee. I am hoping it is not going to stop me from riding as my riding is the only thing keeping me going at the moment. I have a new saddle for my bike so I might put that on tonight and then just take a little ride around the block to gauge how my knee feels.

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